Gingrich Has Matured, So His Dick Shouldn’t be an Embarrassment Any Longer

Newt Gingrich adultery

Now that Mike Huckabee has bailed on the Republican Presidential run, Newt Gingrich sees a golden opportunity to snatch up those conservative evangelicals that were Huckabee supporters. All he has to do is to convince them that his “dick problem” is cured now and won’t embarrass him any longer. To do this, he gets his daughter to give a different version of his discussing divorce while his first wife was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery. But, as fate would have it, his then wife’s voice is recorded for all posterity.

Jackie Battley Gingrich told the Washington Post, “He walked out in the spring of 1980 and I returned to Georgia. By September, I went into the hospital for my third surgery … When he got there, he wanted to discuss the terms of the divorce while I was recovering from the surgery.”

He keeps repeating for the sake of that conservative evangelical voting block that he “lusts” after that “There’s no question I’ve said to people that I made mistakes in my life, that I had to go to God for forgiveness and that I had to seek reconciliation. Do you think they’ll buy it? I mean, after cheating on wife #1 and then marrying the mistress, who then became wife #2, he then cheated on wife #2.

From 11 Craziest Things Newt Gingrich has said: “It doesn’t matter what I do. People need to hear what I have to say. There’s no one else who can say what I can say. It doesn’t matter what I live.” – [Newt’s explanation for why his multiple affairs won’t damage his political fortunes, as told to his jilted wife.] Read the rest of his lunatic quotes here.

It would appear that the conservative evangelicals aren’t the only voting block he’s after. Trying to appear hip and cool, he launched his campaign on Twitter and Youtube rather than mainstream media. Jon Stewart thinks Gingrich is a Square and should stick to mainstream media. He had this to say about Newt’s Twitter and Youtube campaign:

From ABC: “Who thought it was a good idea to do your state of the art campaign computer launch in a Sears photo studio booth with a Casio accompaniment?” Stewart said. “That’s not music to launch a hip presidential campaign.”

“Embrace who you are. You’re a smarty pants, policy wonk guy. You should announce through a media form with a limited number of characters, but don’t make it Twitter. Do it through like Sudoku puzzle or something which as you know is a large square made up of a series of small numbers.”

“Newt you can put on a turtleneck and a leather jacket and give yourself a Bieber. but no matter how clever, no matter how clever your hash tags be, this is how the new generation will always see you,” Stewart said before showing a clip of Gingrich coughing.

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